love....its all we ever need

There is no difficulty that enough love will not conquer; no disease that enough love will not heal. No door that enough love will not open...it makes no difference how deeply seated may be the trouble; how hopeless the outlook; how muddled the tangle; how great the mistake. A sufficient realization of love will dissolve it all. If only you could love enough you would be the happiest and most powerful being in the world..♥

LOVE-  Jori and I may not have a lot in common or agree on anything anymore, but I know the one thing Jori and I can and will always share is the love we both have for our daughter. No matter what time it is, no matter what month it is, no matter where we are, doesn't matter if i have her, doesnt matter if he has her....we just love her. And this is something i can confidently say I can always offer to Tayzli, she is loved. I hope she never forgets it either.

I have a lot of time to just think about things while i'm at work, because i'm the only one whos their all night long. And last night was one of those nights where I just felt overwhelmed. Thinking about all the bad things that could go wrong for me in this divorce, all the what if's. The realization is finally settling in that this is really happening, we are finally going through with this.

As I'm thinking about it and over and over again in my head, wondering how im going to do this, i stop and think.....wait....I am doing this, I am doing this whole single mom thing. I'm stronger every single day and I really am going to be okay.

 I'll admitt, not every day is an okay day for me. I still fight the tears, but its good to cry sometimes. I still have to tell myself giving up is not the answer, all I have to do is look around me and see that life is still great. I'm surrounded by more good than bad.

God doesn't give you any trial you can't overcome, I've heard this from so many people lately. And I guess I just didn't take it serious before. Just took it as another one of those things that people like to say to make others feel better. But I do believe it. And it is something I tell myself every day now, when I think about the outcome of what happens with Tayzli I know that it will be okay for me. It might be hard, but i will get through this because i know i can.

I'm facing my problems, seeing how amazing it is to be able to own up to what i've done. Coming clean and being honest is one of the best feelings in the world. It's a relief. Its a million bricks off of my back that I've carried around for too long. I've stopped blaming others for the bad in my life. I'm understanding that the things that have gone wrong, the bad in my life were once in my control. I could have made things different for me. I chose this for myself. And I am the one who gets to suffer the consequences. That's life.

 I'm learning how to be a better person, a better friend, and a better mom. And I will strive to turn my life around for the better, prove that change in others is possible, show the people in my life how much I love them instead of take them for granted. No more looking down on a person....unless i'm looking down on them to help them up. 

i cant get enough of you...♥

I feel like I've been doing a good job with my blogging, wouldn't you agree? At least I'm doing better than I thought, and i'm expressing myself in a way I didn't know I could either. And I plan to keep it up....keep all of you updated with all the craziness in my life;)

Ohhhhh yes....Tayzli got into my make-up. Mascara to be exact, but how can you get mad at a face like that? Especially because after she does something she knows she shouldnt she points her finger at me, gives me the puppy dog eyes, and says "no no ma!"

 This picture right here is exactly why  (even if i wanted to) I CANT keep tayzli from jori's family. Even after a little fighting and drama I can't talk myself into just ignoring them like everyone says I should. Believe me, there are those moments I want to be that psycho lady saying you cant have my child. I dont want to have to explain to tayzli in a few years (when she understands) why I didn't let her see Jori's family. I cant live with myself keeping her from them, and would never jepordize tayzli thinking bad things about me in the future because of it. But i admitt, most normal moms would avoid them like crazy,  but i guess im just not normal. I can actually talk to Jori's family, just not him. At least not yet.

 Surprisingly I did very well with letting Jori's family take Tayzli on Thanksgiving day for a few hours, especially knowing that its on my time. Because Jori no longer lives in Idaho, I actually dont know where he is. Or exactly when he left. No goodbye to Tayzli or anything. But I think Im handling it pretty well...and I think jori knows that the best thing is for him to move too. Its too small of a town to be dealing with all of this. I dont blame him for leaving, if i could just up and leave, i probably would too. i only wish i was getting a little help from him. But I guess we do what we've gotta do sometimes, right?

 Okay I have to admitt, she could pull this face a million times and I would still love it! I'm sure one day it will get old but for now im taking picutre after picture;) my gorgeous little tayzer face.

Right now I'm having a hard time leaving the house, not because I dont want to or becuase I'm not able to pretend to be having a good time. But because I am literally being watched by everyone. i feel like I can't have a conversation with a friend without someone saying im all of a sudden dating someone new, or I cant go to dinner without people judging me if i dont have tayzli with me. I caught someone taking a picture of me while I was at dinner with a group of friends. It embarrasses me to go out now. I feel like I can't trust anyone, I dont tell people things because I'm afraid of what they might say when I turn my back. People gossip, i realize this but somehow I need to realize that what other people say doesn't matter because only I know how it really is and what is really going on.

 Tayzli is my world and I love every second with her...but I get exhausted too. I need a little break sometimes too. And even if its to go on a drive through back roads, i'll do it. Even if its to go to the gym to run my butt off, i'll do it. You don't realize how easy it is to just be able to ask your husband/wife if they will watch the kids while you have "me time"

I have received quite a bit of negative things the last week or so, but I've also received SOO many positive words from people that I have come to the conclusion that I need to not focus on those negative things. Don't let the negative drown out the positive. I'm still here, I still have so much to be grateful for.

"a successful woman is one who can build a firm foundation with the bricks others have thrown at her..."