i cant get enough of you...♥

I feel like I've been doing a good job with my blogging, wouldn't you agree? At least I'm doing better than I thought, and i'm expressing myself in a way I didn't know I could either. And I plan to keep it up....keep all of you updated with all the craziness in my life;)

Ohhhhh yes....Tayzli got into my make-up. Mascara to be exact, but how can you get mad at a face like that? Especially because after she does something she knows she shouldnt she points her finger at me, gives me the puppy dog eyes, and says "no no ma!"

 This picture right here is exactly why  (even if i wanted to) I CANT keep tayzli from jori's family. Even after a little fighting and drama I can't talk myself into just ignoring them like everyone says I should. Believe me, there are those moments I want to be that psycho lady saying you cant have my child. I dont want to have to explain to tayzli in a few years (when she understands) why I didn't let her see Jori's family. I cant live with myself keeping her from them, and would never jepordize tayzli thinking bad things about me in the future because of it. But i admitt, most normal moms would avoid them like crazy,  but i guess im just not normal. I can actually talk to Jori's family, just not him. At least not yet.

 Surprisingly I did very well with letting Jori's family take Tayzli on Thanksgiving day for a few hours, especially knowing that its on my time. Because Jori no longer lives in Idaho, I actually dont know where he is. Or exactly when he left. No goodbye to Tayzli or anything. But I think Im handling it pretty well...and I think jori knows that the best thing is for him to move too. Its too small of a town to be dealing with all of this. I dont blame him for leaving, if i could just up and leave, i probably would too. i only wish i was getting a little help from him. But I guess we do what we've gotta do sometimes, right?

 Okay I have to admitt, she could pull this face a million times and I would still love it! I'm sure one day it will get old but for now im taking picutre after picture;) my gorgeous little tayzer face.

Right now I'm having a hard time leaving the house, not because I dont want to or becuase I'm not able to pretend to be having a good time. But because I am literally being watched by everyone. i feel like I can't have a conversation with a friend without someone saying im all of a sudden dating someone new, or I cant go to dinner without people judging me if i dont have tayzli with me. I caught someone taking a picture of me while I was at dinner with a group of friends. It embarrasses me to go out now. I feel like I can't trust anyone, I dont tell people things because I'm afraid of what they might say when I turn my back. People gossip, i realize this but somehow I need to realize that what other people say doesn't matter because only I know how it really is and what is really going on.

 Tayzli is my world and I love every second with her...but I get exhausted too. I need a little break sometimes too. And even if its to go on a drive through back roads, i'll do it. Even if its to go to the gym to run my butt off, i'll do it. You don't realize how easy it is to just be able to ask your husband/wife if they will watch the kids while you have "me time"

I have received quite a bit of negative things the last week or so, but I've also received SOO many positive words from people that I have come to the conclusion that I need to not focus on those negative things. Don't let the negative drown out the positive. I'm still here, I still have so much to be grateful for.

"a successful woman is one who can build a firm foundation with the bricks others have thrown at her..."